Newly weds!

This past week my younger brother, Troy, married his high-school sweetheart, Ivy Ikpeme. I was very honored to be his best man and reflected on what Troy, Ivy, and their marriage meant to me in my toast at the reception. It's hard to recognize and give names to the many emotions and feelings I had as Troy and Ivy exchanged rings, and what I wrote falls far short of capturing them all. But I hope by sharing it here, I can offer a sense of how wonderful Troy and Ivy both are and how blessed I feel to have her as my sister:

Hello everyone. I’d like to share a few words about our bride and groom. I’m Derek, and I have the great privilege of being Troy’s oldest, disputably wiser brother and his best man. First I’d like to thank Ivy’s parents, Janet and Etty Ikpeme for making this celebration possible. I know that Troy, my parents and all the Ruths and Woods here share in my gratitude for having such a wonderful venue in which to honor Troy and Ivy and the union of our families.

Someone once said of his brother,”it was nice growing up with someone like you - someone to lean on, someone to count on, someone to tell on!” I think they got the spirit of brotherhood right, but the progression, at least for Troy and me, is a bit out of order. As children, I think the only times I “leaned” on Troy was when we were fighting and I was attempting to smother him into submission - which usually worked with my being bigger and stronger. And the only thing I could count on him to do was dutifully tattle on me whenever I managed to avoid eating my portion of lunchtime omega-3-flax-seed-soy lentil soup - a real favorite among us boys as you can imagine.

However, the passage of time helped me realize that my youthful policy of “might makes right” was hardly the foundation for a lasting relationship ... well, the passage of time and and the fact that Troy is now strong enough to snap me in half like a potato chip.

But in addition to gaining Herculean strength, Troy has developed into a truly remarkable person who has made me push myself when I didn’t think I had more to give, reminded me of the goals I had set when they seemed too far off, and challenged ideas and beliefs that I had never thought to question.

What I’ve realized is that Troy makes you feel like you can do anything. This is, in part because I think that, when you’re with Troy, you’re in the presence of someone who can do anything. Besides talent, he has an infectious and enduring sense of enthusiasm and energy that he brings to every conversation, every project, and every decision he makes.

It’s this joy, optimism, and excitement that I know he feels for Ivy - for her as a person, for her aspirations and dreams, and for the time he spends with her. And I know that Ivy feels the same pure, unbridled joy for Troy. I know this because, besides knowing her, I read her blog which apparently serves the principle purpose of telling the world what it is like to love Troy on an hourly basis. Well, telling the world about cupcakes and what it is like to love Troy on an hourly basis

This love has seen them through six years of dating - four of which were spent apart attending universities in different states. It is this same love that, I have no doubt, will see them through many, many more happy years.

And so, please join me in raising a glass to this love and to the two people who share it: Ivy, a woman whom I am proud to take and care for as my sister, and Troy, a brother one can lean on, a friend one can count on, and a gentleman who makes the world and people around him better for having been in his presence. I pray that your journey together will be long, tender, and filled with good memories.

The Adventure Seat

My PhD advisor and his wife generously gave us a nifty car seat that can detach from its base in the car and reconnect to a metal frame with wheels in order to become a stroller. Because of its versatility, we call it the "Adventure Seat". In general, Sonya loves this new seat, sitting quite contentedly in it for over an hour at a stretch. However, it's come to my attention that Mitali and I as early parents may be creating some rather unintended associations with the term "adventure".

"Oh boy, Sonya! It's time to get in the adventure seat!" we said several days ago as we strapped her in. What we didn't realize at the time was that she had just taken a colossal dump. Thus, as we placed her in the adventure seat and clicked the over-shoulder harnesses into the buckle at her crotch, we inadvertently strapped her butt cheeks into whatever she had just deposited in her diaper. We then proceeded to drive downtown, wondering why she was crying. "We know you want to get out, Sonya," we cooed over and over, chalking up her complaints to a general dislike for being confined. Finally, after what must have seemed like eons in baby time, we reached our destination, got her out, and discovered that we had been marinating her butt in her own excrement for the duration of the ride.

Other times we have hopped into the car just as she decides she is hungry. Howling with fists clenched and face beet red, she assaults our ears with pleas for milk. Being exclusively breast-fed, there is nothing we can do until we stop the car. We try to explain this to her as lovingly as possible. "Dearest Sonya, we know you are hungry! But you need to remain safe in your seat until we stop the car! Thank you for understanding, our dearest one," we say, though I doubt she can hear us over her own pitiful, gasping wails. And even if she could, I wouldn't blame her for remaining inconsolably angry. To her, withholding milk probably seems as unreasonable as strapping her into her own poo.

"We're so excited about the many adventures we're going to have with you!" we've told her time and time again. The truth is that adventures are fun, but can be rife with discomforts that simply need to be enjoyed for what they are. I want Sonya to be patient when things get tough or painful, to know that we aren't putting her through unnecessary crap. But, as far as that goes, we have some work to do.